Mr. One In A Million.

There's probably plenty of "Mr. One In A Million"'s out there for me. But he's the only one I've met so far. 

You could say my track record with guys hasn't been the greatest. Is it really considered a track record if I've never had a boyfriend? I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend. To some that's depressing. To me, it's a bit of a blessing in disguise. I don't like to place labels on things until I know for sure it's the real deal. 

This blog post isn't meant to be a story about all my trials and tribulations with the boys/men I've encountered in my life so far. If it was, it would be so much easier to write. This blog post is about "Mr. One In A Million". 

I think the title is quite confusing in itself. In our lives we will not just come across only one "Mr. One In A Million", but probably multiple. "Mr. One In A Million" has quite a nice ring to it, don't you think? I don't mind being an open book. Judgement is slowly becoming something I no longer fear and I'm always up for a good non-fiction story, and I'm sure others are too. Thus, let me begin my tale of "Mr. One In A Million".

I barely knew him prior to 2013. Sure, we went to the same high school and we both acknowledged each others presence, but I never thought he'd be a guy that would make a mark on my life. Our "friendship" started off quite strangely. We bonded over our fondness of Tinder, our bad life choices, my embarrassing slut drops and his phobia of Squiggles. He told me about his caterpillar to butterfly transformation, his close relationship with his family and what he really wants out of life. I never thought we could have so much in common and neither could he. 

We haven't spent a lot of time together or speak frequently but when we do, it just clicks. The banter is on point, the smiles make an appearance and the butterflies go mental (well in my stomach they do). I knew he had a lot of girls "around" him but somehow he made me feel I was different from the rest. Like, I wasn't just "one of his girls". I think the fact that I didn't show any sign of wanting and yearning to be with him, made me stand out. He probably wasn't used to it. 

Inconsistency was a problem with "Mr. One In A Million". We would go weeks without talking and I would forget how it felt to talk to him or the feelings I had, then boom. A text would appear on my phone. As simple as a "Hey Lil' Shit, what's up?" would give me butterflies all over again. To explain the "Lil' Shit" nickname is nearly impossible and can only be understood by the both of us. I got to a stage where the roller coaster was too much. He'd take me right to the top, thinking there was something there and then let me drop. The problem was, it was never his fault. It was my own. He didn't know how I felt and he didn't know what he was doing to me. 

I got and am at that stage where I'm tired of feeling like this. I could come out and tell him how I feel but I don't want to wreck what we've already built. Because losing something you never thought you'd have is worse than losing anything at all. My whole summary about us is "He's my one in a million but I'm not his". It makes me sad and angry, but not at him. He is such an amazing guy who deserves the world that I hope he finds someone who makes him feel as happy as he makes me feel. I can only hope I find another "Mr. One In A Million" sometime soon. All I can do now is get on with life, love and appreciate our friendship and make even the smallest inkling on his life like he has made on mine.

Dear Mr. One In A Million, you're something special. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.