Maybe We're Not Like Serena and Blair. Maybe We Don't Get That "Friendship Fairytale Ending".

Why do we choose to hold on, when there's nothing left to hold onto? 

There was a reason why we called ourselves "Serena and Blair". We thought it was because we perfectly identified ourselves as either one of them, but that wasn't it. It was because our up's and our down's were just as momentous as theirs.

The good times were good. The bad times ... well they were there, but we never acknowledged them. Wait, I did try to once. You know, explain how I felt and where we were heading but I was just being a "drama queen" and I was "drunk". Yes, I had a bit to drink that night. But, that conversation we had, I was completely sober for and I remember everything you said to me, even though you think I've forgotten. 

I'm not the victim. Definitely not. There have been times when I've gone to other girlfriends about issues I've had with you, when I really should've kept them to myself. And I apologize for that. I've never been good with talking about my feelings and when you shut me down, I learned to never do that again. Which has lead me here. A place where I no longer need your friendship.

Once upon a time, I used to get excited to catch up with you. Used to laugh and joke and most of all, used to share exciting news with you first. That's all gone away now. The laughter we share is just over old memories because we've drifted so far apart that we have not made new ones. I guess that's the thing though, we've drifted. Moving in two directions and it was bound to happen. We're also two very different people which doesn't help either. 

There are so many questions I have wanted to ask you. Not in a "this makes you a horrible human being" kind of way, but I just want to understand where you're coming from. Why do you always put you boyfriend first over your best friend? You've been with him not even a year. You've known me for around 8 years. I'm sure he notices that you do that as well. Why do you shut yourself off completely and think life's better when you're miserable? I haven't told you this but your negativity brings me down and drains me. And I've had enough. 

I don't want to end this on an unpleasant note. Because regardless of how I feel right now and where we've come to, I appreciate all the memories and moments we have shared together. Somehow, we lost each other and decided to take different paths. For right now, I think it's best if we take a break. You've taught me so much more than multiple relationships could've ever taught me. Our relationship is one of those that I will not regret nor shudder at the thought of. I will smile when the memories come flooding back but I will feel sadness when I think how it became unfixable.