Looking in the mirror and seeing a completely different person. But that different person is who you truly are.
Have you ever looked back on things you've done or said and thought "why?". That was me every night before I went to bed and had those mini counseling sessions to myself, while trying to get to sleep. After the many disasters of 2013, a change was in order and it could only be done by me. I don't regret 2013 in the slightest. To be honest, it was a blessing in disguise. I learned a lot about myself, my family, my friends and of course, boys. The lessons that came out of that year were the fuel to ignite a new me. Not just a new me, but the real me.
I've shocked a couple of people this year. Apparently, I'm a completely different person and they would've never thought I could or would ever be this way. The word "different" has been thrown around but not once has anyone said they dislike the person I have now become. That thought makes me smile because the person that I feel like I'm growing into, is my true self and it's amazing to know they love me for the real me.
You must be thinking, "what the hell was she like before?". I haven't had a full 360 change but it's definitely been a noticeable change. Where to begin? The exterior has had some work. The girl that once wore a full face of makeup and thought "comfort" was the spawn of satan, rocks a bare-face and Converse on a daily basis. Obviously, the cake face comes out occasionally but it no longer comes out for purposes of hiding. I'm shit at art, and makeup is the only creative thing I'm half decent at so I'll play around once in awhile. In saying that, do what makes you happy and what makes you feel confident. Whether that be spending hours on your face or nothing at all. I'm no longer preoccupied over what others wear or how they look, if they're happy, they should go for it. On that note, my friend recently said to me "she dresses like a slut but still acts all Christian and shit" about another girl. The way you dress, doesn't define you. Only you define you.
I'd say my personality and attitude hasn't changed dramatically. I'm still loud mouthed, slightly cheeky and completely clumsy but I'm a little more observant. Observant to other peoples feelings, thoughts and beliefs. We're all individuals for a reason. Although, I may not agree with another persons opinion, I will respect that, that's their opinion. And also hope that they respect mine. I've also come to understand that you can only control your own feelings and thoughts but you can't control others. However, sometimes you shouldn't have to control your feelings and that's okay. Don't feel guilty about crying over a guy. It's made you upset and you being upset is not a little problem that can be brushed to one side. Everyones allowed their moments and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
There's obviously more to the story but this is just the beginning. What I'm aiming to get across is, its never too late to become the person you want to be. The person I was in my made up scenarios before I went to bed, was not the person I was. I like "made-up" me better than "reality" me so I took the power in my hands, and made that change. It's not an overnight process but more like a work in progress. I'm not exactly where I want to be, but I'll get there eventually. With positive and supportive people around me, happy vibes, good music and things that make me smile, you can get to where you want to be.
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